i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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