dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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