All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
