Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
