Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
