drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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