Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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