My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
