I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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