I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
