Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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