In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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