you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
