Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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