"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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