Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
