Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
