Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
