mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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