he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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