is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
