You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
