Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
