i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
