I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
