Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
