and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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