I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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