i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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