i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
