hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I will be naked everywhere
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
