Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
