i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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