I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
