then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
