ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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