Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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