He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Houston, we have a squirter
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
