he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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