There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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