well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
