he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
