No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
