So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i already hear my dad disowning me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
