please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
