i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
