Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
