and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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