his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
