a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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