then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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