forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
