My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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