I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
