"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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