Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
