I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
