I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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