okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bring money and cleavage
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize