My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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