Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
