I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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