did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
