they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
