If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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