im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
