I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
