i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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