Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
