I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
