All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
