I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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