Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
