WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
