I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
