I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
