I got chris browned last night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
