Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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