I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
